All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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