Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
