fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
