so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
