i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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