So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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