Cold hands, warm shart.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
