Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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