Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
