Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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