So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
