I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize