Yo dont text me then not text me
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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