i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Randomize
