I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
