She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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