We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
