so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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