why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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