The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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