Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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