dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
