She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
