so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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