dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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