I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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