i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I have peed in a lot of sinks
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
