I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
