I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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