All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
