If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
