I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
