Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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