im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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