since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize
