38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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