Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
