Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I can't put those talents on a resume
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
