Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
