god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize