I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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