My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
A+ Viking dick
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize