I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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