Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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