There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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