So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
All the doctor said was why
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
