I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
BRING THE BAGELS
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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