I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
