I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
