My friends, they love my intelligence
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
