Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
