im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
