It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
is it fun? or sober?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
