If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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