I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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