If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
