Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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