Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize