Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize