Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
