Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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