Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
