I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
