are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
