I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So much Jack, so little girl.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
