I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
