I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
