I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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