glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
