This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
